


Twilight But Better

by goddamnitElizabeth



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Background Relationships, Comedy, Crack, Drama, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Humor, Love, Minor Violence, Multi, Rewrite, Romance, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 21:41:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29939805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddamnitElizabeth/pseuds/goddamnitElizabeth
Summary: Because of my deep, gay love for Kristen Stewart and Ashley Greene, I decided to rewrite Twilight, to give the relationship they deserved, and have everything be less awful.Much less awful but horrible in an entirely different way.
Relationships: Alice Cullen/Bella Swan, Jacob Black/Edward Cullen
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Twilight But Better

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! my sister is writing this, but she does not have an AO3 account so I'm posting it for her. Prepare for a lot lot lot of idiocy 😎

In the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State, a small town named Forks exists under a near-constant cover of clouds. It rains on this inconsequential town more than any other place in the United States of America. It was from this town and its gloomy, omnipresent shade that my mother escaped with me when I was only a few months old. It was in this town that I'd been compelled to spend a month every summer until I was fourteen. That was the year I finally put my foot down; these past three summers, my dad, Charlie, vacationed with me in California for two weeks instead. Which was quite nice, actually, seeing how I was finally able to have a real summer experience with all the water parks and ice cream I'd dreamt of the years prior. All I'd gotten before was rainy days spent with reading A LOT.

This town was now my destination. Why, you might ask? Well, I was going to live there with my dad for the duration of at least my last year of highschool. Because my already erratic mother was having a midlife crisis and just had to "go see the world" now with her new boyfriend, Phil. I was actually quite happy that she was getting out and being in love and all that, and Phil was really nice. So I thought I'd take one for the team and move to the non-literal Atlantis of America.  
"Bella," my mom said to me - the last of a thousand times - before I got on the plane. "You don't have to do this."  
She felt guilty about the whole thing and I knew it.  
"You can come home whenever you want - I'll come right back as soon as you need me."  
I laughed and went in for a strong hug.  
"Mom, I know. But I want you to go, you deserve that. I'll let you know if I need anything, okay?"  
Tears shimmered in her eyes as we pulled apart.  
"You're such a cool daughter. Thank you."  
I made a gesture saying "It's whatever", shouldered my carry-on bag and went to hop on that plane - the plane that would fly directly into my personal hell. Forks.

So, yes. I know it's quite the sacrifice to leave behind everything I had and go to that forksaken town. But I meant it when I said my mother deserved it - she had left behind a lot for me, too, and raised me well. I loved her very much and I also felt like a change could not be bad for me, either. I'd call it a personality development choice. And I'd never gotten to build a good connection with my dad. So maybe that could finally happen now - even though he had a personality like a brick, or at least that's what he wanted everyone to think.

My vol de mort ended and Charlie picked me up at the airport, grinning nervously. After a quick hug he put my bags into the trunk of the police car - he was Forks' very own Chief Swan. Which was why I had dug into mom's pockets for some money to buy a car - cause who wants to be driven around in a police car all the time? I'd loved that when I was younger, but now I was, like, 18 and also did not want to make my father drive me everywhere. That sucks. For him and for me.  
Charlie knew about all that, so I was not surprised when it was his only subject on the car ride.  
"Do you remember my friend Bill? He has no use for his car anymore so I thought you might be interested in it. It's a Chevy pickup."  
I gave him a critical look from the side. "Dad, I wanted to do this myself. You don't have to ask all your pals if they've got a car for me. That's a bit weird."  
Charlie was seemingly uncomfortable with me just speaking my mind. I'd never liked that about him. My relationship with my mother had always been very open and feeling-oriented, which made it hard for me to talk to Charlie - seeing how his conversational skills were not much better than those of a chair for example.  
"I - I did not know it would bother you. Sorry."  
He tried very hard, so I smiled.  
"Thanks. It's okay, I know you meant well and also I am indeed interested in a Chevy pickup. It's probably not a very new car, is it?"  
A small chuckle escaped my dad's mouth and he shook his head. "Absolutely not. But, uh, it runs perfectly fine and I know enough mechanics who will fix it if something breaks. Trust me, the car is safe. You know I would not let you drive around in one that isn't."  
I did know that. Charlie had always been very concerned for my safety. Throughout my childhood, I had not been allowed to climb on trees or swim in the lake without him less than 3 ft away from me. I had also not been allowed to make any food except cereal by myself, since I could have burned myself or set something on fire while making grilled cheese. Which was very funny because at home, I was used to making my own food often. And to this day I had never set something on fire.

As the house that my parents had once bought together came in sight, I saw the faded-red Chevy pickup parked in the driveway. "Dad? Is that the car? Did you already get the car for me?"  
He simply nodded and smiled almost shyly - expecting I'd be mad again. I was not.  
I jumped out of Charlie's car and inspected the pickup. It was super old and big and pretty worn. But I loved it.  
I gave Charlie a quick hug, said thank you and told him the car was perfect. Relieved, he sighed. "That's great, Bella. Come on, we'll get your bags upstairs."

My room was still the same. Light blue walls. A bed, a desk, and an old rocking chair as well as a bookcase were the only furniture. Which was fine, I did not really need more. Irritated, I looked at some picture frames on the wall over my bed.  
"Why exactly did you put pictures of clowns over there?"  
Charlie scratched his head. "I wanted you to be reminded of your home. You know, of Phil."  
For a second I stared at him in awe, then I burst out laughing.  
"That's such a stupid joke, oh my god."  
My dad smiled ear to ear and went over to the bed to remove the pictures. He chuckled faintly.  
Still cry-laughing, I said "no, dad, really. It's not funny at all. Please don't do this again."  
I gave him a look saying "I love you but you suck", and he hung his head like a puppy.  
"Alright, I see. My only child thinks I'm not funny."  
"Yes, exactly. And also mean."  
"Okay, okay. Fine. You know what, I'll make dinner, and you get settled. Now that you live here, maybe I'll just ground you for saying mean things to you poor father."  
"Yeah, whatever. Then I'll get a vampire boyfriend who sneaks in here every night, how would you like that, huh?"  
I heard him laugh as he made his way downstairs.

The next morning, we ate breakfast in silence. There were no morning people in my family.  
Charlie wished me luck for my first day in school before leaving, although I "probably won't need it". I would definitely need it. Sometimes I had a tendency to behave extremely stupid in social situations.

I found my way to school in the new old very stinky car without needing any directions. Not the best example for my amazing skill of finding places without using a map, seeing how Forks is only like, two point six square feet big, but trust me! I had a skill. And I'd used it very often because my mother tended to get lost so very frequently.  
The school was a couple brick buildings, without any typical American metal detectors at the entrances. So idyllic.  
I entered the building that read 'Front Office' and found the secretary, a red-haired woman that greeted me in a friendly manner.  
"Hi, can I help you?"  
"Yes. Im Isabella Swan."  
Her face lit up. "Ah, yes, of course. Let me get your stuff."  
She looked through the papers on her desk, finding mine at last.  
"Here's your schedule, and this is the map of the school."  
After she'd explained a couple things to me, she also wished me luck for my first day and sent me back out in the rain.

The first half of the day was relatively boring - I embarrassed myself by not understanding what people were saying to me only twice, and a couple students were trying to befriend me immediately, which I found very weird. But I let them take me to their table in the cafeteria for lunch. They were: a nerd, a princess, a jock, a basket case and boringly enough, no criminal. Sadly I had to realize most of them were rather stupid and one-dimensional characters. But not for one second did I miss my friends back in Phoenix, cause I didn't have any. That's probably what made it so easy for me to move to my dad.

But then it happened. I saw them. The five humans sitting all the way across the cafeteria, one looking more beautiful than the other. Three males and two females, all with an aura cold as ice.  
"Who are they?", I asked the girl next to me that looked a lot like Anna Kendrick.  
"Who? Oh, you mean the Cullens?"  
Her gaze followed mine, and for a split second, one of the guys looked up, though flinching away quickly.  
"They're super weird. They think they're better than us, drive all those expensive cars, don't talk to anyone here… The blonde ones, Rosalie and Jasper Hale, are twins. Rosalie's together with Emmet. And Jasper is together with Alice, that's the thin one with the hair that looks like she electrocuted herself. They all live together with their adoptive parents, Dr. Cullen and his wife. I think she can't have any children so she took them all in or something."  
Fascinated by that sad backstory I kept staring at them. They weren't eating, weren't talking. Suddenly, they all got up and walked out the door, each throwing a whole tray of untouched food in the bin on their way out. I gasped. "Why would they do that? That is so wasteful what the hell."  
Jessica - the Anna Kendrick girl - shrugged. "They always do it. They're assholes."  
Shaking my head in disbelief about how such pretty looking people were so awful, I ate the last piece of my undefined cafeteria-food.

My next class was biology. I let Mike - the jock - show me the way to the classroom which he took as an invitation to flirt with me. Boys.  
When I entered the room, I immediately saw that they're was only a single seat left - directly next to the Cullen kid that had looked at me during lunch break.  
I groaned and made my way to the table.  
"Hi. Guess I'll have to sit with you if there's no other seat left.", I said with an annoyed undertone.  
The guy looked at me in horror. When I'd come in, he had shifted in his seat as far away from me as possible, clutching the edge of the chair with one hand and using the other one to pull his shirt over his mouth and nose. I squinted my eyes at him. (is he afraid of gay people karen?)  
"Dude, are you okay? You look like you're gonna throw up." He gagged. "Oh my god do you want me to get the bin for you? Are you actually gonna vomit?"  
In panic, I turned around, kinda flapping my arms in search of something helpful. The sudden movement made me dizzy.  
I was yanked back by the guy before my knees could give in. He pushed me on my chair and scooted away from me again.  
"I'm fine, don't make a scene", he hissed at me angrily. After scrutinizing my face he added: "What about you tho?"  
I still had blurry, starry vision, but it was slowly fading back to normal.  
"I'm ok", I mumbled, "I just have low iron"  
He furrowed his brows before snorting out a laugh.  
"Alright. You need anything?"  
I had finally gained my senses back and glanced at him. "No I'm good, I'll just drink some water. Thanks."  
He nodded and turned his head to face the board.  
"But don't think we're friends now. You're still an ass", I muttered under my breath.  
He shot me a look with one raised brow. "What am I an ass for, exactly?"  
"Well", I straightened up in my chair, "one, I've been told you and your weird siblings each throw away all your food every single day which is just horrible. People could've eaten that. Wasting the food AND the packaging is just so stupid. Why."  
I had to stop to collect my thoughts for a second.  
"And two, you were straight bullying me, making faces like I stink as bad as a whole landfill. What kind of person does that without any reason. Like, this is my first day, I didn't do anything to you my dude. What the fuck?"  
He'd listened to me carefully and was now nodding again.  
"I mean, yeah, those are valid reasons to call me an ass."  
He shifted in his seat once more, leaning back with his arms folded across the chest now. Seeming so calm and collected.  
It made me furious.  
"So… that's what you're gonna do? You're just not going to respond to either of these accusations? No defending yourself?"  
He sighed. "What do you want to hear from me? You're right. So what now."  
I was close to exploding.  
"But, but, you have to say something! This is not how it works, you can't just say "yeah cool whatever" when someone tells you that your behaviour is wrong!"  
Another shrug, followed by a sceptical look. "Watch me."  
In awe I stared at him. What a dick.  
"Okay", I said calmly. "Fine. Then you keep being the fucking moron you are and go around bullying kids without any reason. You know what, you're not better than me. So stop behaving like it. I don't know how fragile your ego is deep down in your stupid cashmere shirt, but it's gotta be tiny judging by the way you behave towards me."  
I had raised my voice quite a bit towards the end and also gotten up so I could flee the room faster.  
But now the boy stood up as well, still as far away from me as possible, and clenched his jaw before speaking. "So you think you can just come here and yell at me because I looked at you weird for a minute? How fragile is your ego then?"  
He took a single step towards me. Taking into consideration that he was more than a bit taller and most definitely more muscular than me, the thought about having to defend myself flashed through my head. I grabbed a pencil from my desk and held it in my hand.  
"I'm not the problem here, mate. And it was more than 'looking weird at me', you were almost throwing up at my sight. What the fuck was that about?"  
The teacher finally came to intervene. "Okay, maybe you can figure this out after class. Why don't you just sit over there in Ms Spencer's seat and Ms Spencer sits with Mr Cullen for now?"  
But Mr Cullen just ignored him. "You wouldn't understand. Just shut up about it already. Maybe don't get so involved in other people's business, girlie"  
I was raging. Nobody was allowed to call me a girlie. It was a serious, bad insult to me.  
"You absolute asshole!", I yelled with a leap forward. Only after it had happened I realized that my pencil was now stuck above Cullen's collarbone.  
I clutched my hands in front of my mouth.  
"Oh my god", I mumbled. "Oh god I'm so sorry. Shit."  
I could not believe it. Neither could he apparently. With a weirded out expression he looked down to where the pencil met his flesh.  
"I'm so, so sorry. Shit, will I get expelled now?" Scared I looked at the teacher. He was just as horrified as me and Cullen and could not bring himself to speak, instead he made a wheezing noise as though he had been stabbed in the lung, which had then collapsed, but he straightened again as if this were not a vital organ to him.  
Cullen now took his bag and jacket and said "I'll go see the nurse I guess"  
I stepped aside to leave him space as he tried to squeeze through the bank rows. Then I woke from my haze, gathered my things and spewed out that I'd go with him to make sure he wouldn't faint in the corridors.  
Cullen was almost in the parking lot when I reached him.  
"Where are you going? The nurse is in the other building there, I was told"  
When I reached him and laid a hand on his shoulder to slow him down, he whirled around. The angry eyes were back. They were dark, so much too dark, as I now noticed.  
"Stop it. Stay out of my business. Don't you think you've done enough already?"  
I stared at the pencil in his shoulder.  
"Wait", I said. "It's not bleeding."  
With shaking hands, I reached for the shaft, gently touching it. When it moved, the boy didn't flinch or grimace. He was still staring down at me in wrath.  
"We should get you to the nurse. Or the hospital probably.", I said in a soft voice.  
But Cullen reached for the pencil. Before I could earn him that it would bleed then, he had pulled out the wooden shaft, leaving a small hole above his right collar bone.  
"Shit", I exclaimed, panicking. "No no no, that was bad. Shouldn't, like, shouldn't your lungs be there? Fuck, are you gonna die now? I've gotta call an ambulance"  
Again I was flapping around helplessly, rummaging around in my backpack for my phone. And again, he stopped me, grabbing my arm firmly.  
"Look at me. I'm fine."  
Slowly, I looked up. The hole was gone. The only trace of our fight were the ripped shirt and the tension between us.  
"How", I sputtered. Cullen sighed and chose to ignore my question.  
"See, I'm fine. No hole. All good. Now let's go back inside. You don't wanna miss your first day, do you."  
And like that, he started walking towards the building.  
"Wait", I yelled, running up to him. A day of déja vus.  
"Please tell me. I saw it, don't pretend nothing happened."  
Another deep sigh.  
"Alright. Here goes. I'm a vampire. Good now?"  
He didn't take me seriously. I hated that. ;D  
"Stop!", I tried to get hold of his arm. "Why are you doing this? Why are you behaving like such a…"  
"Dick? Asshole? Moron? Sorry, I don't remember what else you've called me today."  
I had enough. He was making me feel like a child. Helpless and dumb and very small. I felt my face getting hot.  
"Fine", I said, scratching together my last bits of dignity. "I'll leave you alone then."  
He nodded and kept walking, leaving me behind in the rain.  
Before reaching the door, he stopped. Then turned around. Walked a couple steps back to me.  
"Okay. You're angry. Would you like to hit me?"  
He looked genuine. I let out a laugh.  
"What the hell is wrong with you, Cullen?"  
"I'm just trying to make you feel better. So, what now?"  
I shook my head. "Dude, that's not how it works. I think. Or maybe it is. Did you watch Fight Club?"  
He nodded. "Sure. Great movie. But I can assure you, unlike in that movie, you are not imagining me because the world is fucked up. I mean, the world is fucked up, but you know…"  
I smiled. "Yeah. I know."  
Seconds went by until he said: "I'm Edward, by the way." He actually held out his hand for me to shake. After a moment of consideration, I took it and looked him in the eye. "Bella."  
I took a deep breath. "Before we can be best friends forever now, you've gotta tell me why you were making such a face earlier. And you have to promise to tell your siblings that y'all start eating your lunches or not taking any. Whatever you're doing, it's weird. And stupid."  
Edward laughed again. "That's fair. I'll tell them. And my face earlier had nothing to do with you. I had seen that gross couple eat each other's faces."  
"Ew". I knew which couple he meant, I'd seen them make out in the hallway. And although I didn't believe him, I decided to settle down for this. For now.


End file.
